Birds? Yeah, I know 'em.

The graveyard shift is part of my soul, but only in the sense that I work it all of the time. At 1230AM I go down to the cafeteria for sustenance.

Standing right in front of the serving trays, I notice that this night there is turkey for dinner. The arrangement is not just breast slices, but actual large turkey cuts. I usually get to the food later than other people so at times it's slim pickin's. This time; however, there is some random turkey anatomy and then an enormous, lone, turkey leg. My pupils instantly metamorphose into a smaller exact rendition of this incredible edible legg. Meanwhile, as much as my attention is duly allocated to the turk, my senses are alerted to a person meandering towards the food table. He has his hands in his pockets as he looks around each tray to see what is available. As he is thinking something menial, I ask simply, "Do you want this leg?", indicating with my index finger my latest beacon of desire. It is, after all, the last one of its kind, in this cafeteria. I asked him simply to be humane, but it is implausible for me to think of walking away without my prize. Naturally he mutters, "no", since usually when someone asks such a question one can never really say yes, lest one feels like coming out of the situation "the butthole". After he answered me, he gave further notice to the turk and chokes out, "Jeez, no way. That thing would be in my stomach all day". Which I didn't give too much thought to at the time, but in retrospect I could have exclaimed a sarcastic, "OK". I then mutter that it is an Emu leg, he laughs at my dumb joke.* But with sudden due seriousness he adds a final, "No, seriously take it". It was already on my plate. But I do not feel angry at his absurdity so in addition I chuckle, "You already had your Big-Game Bird for the day?". He lightly snickers and then says, "Yeah, I already had duck this morning." I take the opportunity to give him a vacant stare.

Obviously, duck does not qualify as Big-Game, especially not comically.




*I do not know if the John Doe in this story knows this, but, the enormous turkey legs that are found near the Pirates of the Carribean ride in Magic Kingdom, Disney World, are often rumored to be Emu legs since they are so large.